Why Khloe Just Wants to Slap Kourtney in Her ‘F–king Mouth!’

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The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 5-year-old daughter — is bringing her talents to TooFab.

Each week, “Nori” will be recapping new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and giving us HER take on all the family drama.

On this episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” we headed to Bali. I love forced family trips for the show. Being paid for family time is most ideal.

The episode started with Auntie Khloe, Auntie Kourt and Mommy discussing the upcoming trip. Auntie Khloe said she had anxiety because of traveling such a far distance with True. She also noted that Mommy was really judgmental on the trip they took to Japan last season because she criticized her and Auntie Kourt’s fashion the whole time. I’m obviously using the word fashion very lightly.

Auntie Kylie, Auntie Kendall and Kris couldn’t go on the trip due to work obligations; plus, they needed to look after MJ. Uncle Rob didn’t go because, honestly, we’ve stopped inviting him to these things.

After the Bali talk, Mommy brought up her idea for Halloween. She proposed a Victoria’s Secret Angels photo shoot strictly for Instagram. As if this family needed a reason to put on lingerie for Instagram.

Traveling to Bali was intense. It was an 18-hour flight, and once we got there, we had to take a second plane for 2-and-a-half hours. I would never do this much traveling on a commercial flight, let alone coach. God bless you people who can’t afford to travel private. I ask Dream all the time, “How do you do it?”

Auntie Kourt slept the whole flight, but Auntie Khloe got no sleep because the Disick kids would not let her live. They were screaming, running around and they kept asking to see the cockpit. They’re used to flying on points, so they were pretty overwhelmed. You can’t take them anywhere.

While traveling, Auntie Kourt discovered that her assistant packed some of her bags incorrectly. She complained that items were either missing or there were too many of the same items. She was so irritated that she sent her assistant an email immediately. An assistant for Auntie Kourt seems like a waste of money. What does this person do all day? I’m sure one of the Malikas can help her pack her bags and shop for gluten-free food for half of whatever she’s paying this alleged assistant.

Once we arrived in Bali, Auntie Khloe saw that True’s bags weren’t in her room and got irritated. She was originally told by the crew that True’s stuff would be in her room, but that wasn’t the case. Auntie Khloe did not appreciate being lied to about her daughter.

Later in the day, Auntie Kourtney told Auntie Khloe she complains a lot about everything and that she’s critical. Auntie Khloe exploded. She said it’s not complaining when she was given inaccurate information about her daughter. She turned the conversation around on Auntie Kourt and told her that she’s actually the one that complains a lot. Auntie Kourt felt Auntie Khloe was overreacting because she was sleep-deprived. I wish I would’ve known this was going on at the time because I could’ve told them that they’re both terrible people and the argument would’ve ended much sooner.

On the beach, Scott noticed a number of people digging in the sand. He found out that there was money buried on the beach. After discovering this, Scott and the Disick kids frantically started digging for money. Does it get anymore Disick than this?

Back in L.A., Kris, Auntie Kylie and Auntie Kendall went to lunch to help her relax since she had been taking care of MJ. Auntie Kendall and Auntie Kylie told Kris they wanted to help her with MJ so she could unwind and think about herself every now and then. Yes, I’m sure Kris needs help thinking about herself.

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